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The current year signifies a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” entered the mainstream. Initially, the idea that someone could instantly end communication with a partner without a word seemed like the height of indignity. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, seeking a significant other has only become more bewildering – an commonly fruitless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a cohort who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive breakdown to the terms this generation is using to discuss love, sex and the quest of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to Zoomers, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's reply is engaged or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who helps you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do low-cost romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to pairs who forgo having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: embracing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral habits suggesting a prospective partner is not right. Such as calling their exes crazy, poor tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits affirm your decision to date a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately kill any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {