These Phrases shared by My Parent Which Saved Me as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was just just surviving for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

However the reality rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her main carer as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get assistance. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a broader failure to open up amongst men, who still hold onto harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a break - taking a short trip overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "poor decisions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he says. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a family member, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and when you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they faced their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."